The Hidden Habits That Shape Executive Presence

Resonance in Practice

Resonance in Practice is an ongoing series inspired by conversations on The Resonance Lab podcast. Each article begins with an idea from one of those conversations and explores it through the lens of The Nova Method’s audience-first approach to communications.

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One of the more humbling parts of working in communications is realizing that we rarely experience ourselves the way everyone else does.

We hear our own voice every day. We become accustomed to the expressions we rely on, the pace at which we speak, and the way we answer questions. Over time, those habits become almost invisible to us. We stop noticing them because they feel normal.

An audience doesn’t have that advantage. They’re experiencing us for the first time.

That thought came back to me during a recent conversation with executive communication coach Hope Timberlake on The Resonance Lab. Hope described what often happens when leaders first watch themselves on video. They notice the repeated phrases they never realized they used. They hear themselves apologizing before offering an opinion. They discover they speak much faster than they imagined, or rarely make eye contact with the people they’re trying to reach.

Most of us have had a similar experience at one point or another.

It’s rarely comfortable.

Many of the habits we develop as communicators have very little to do with communication itself. They often reflect how we’re feeling in the moment. Someone who is uncomfortable with silence fills every pause with another sentence. Someone who wants to appear thoughtful may begin every answer with “I think…” or “maybe…” Someone else apologizes before speaking because they’re worried about interrupting or taking up too much space.

I’ve seen this countless times during media training.

We’ll review an interview together, and the executive almost always focuses on the answer they wish they had given or what they meant to say. Meanwhile, everyone else in the room has noticed something entirely different. Perhaps they interrupted the interviewer several times without realizing it. Perhaps they looked down every time they answered a difficult question. Perhaps they repeated the same phrase so often that it became more memorable than the message itself.

The goal has never been perfection.

Hope made an observation during our conversation that has stayed with me ever since. She talked about helping leaders become more comfortable with themselves rather than encouraging them to imitate someone else’s communication style.

I think that’s an important distinction.

The communicators I’ve admired most don’t sound alike. They don’t share the same personalities or speaking styles. What they share is an awareness of themselves and their audience, and a willingness to adjust when the conversation calls for it.

It allows someone to slow down rather than rush through an important point. It makes it easier to recognize when an audience looks confused or when a question deserves more thought than the prepared answer they planned to give. Yet they’re often the moments that make someone feel more genuine, more approachable, and more trustworthy.

Looking back on my conversation with Hope, I don’t think meaningful growth as a communicator begins with learning a new technique.

I think it begins the moment we become curious enough to notice ourselves the way our audience already does.

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Continue the Conversation

Communication is a practice, not a performance. Listen to the full conversation with Hope Timberlake on The Resonance Lab, or continue with the next essay in the Resonance in Practice series.